


Alex Squared Makes His Mark

by only_soft_birds_allowed



Category: Stardew Valley (Video Game)
Genre: Adventure?, Attempt at Humor, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-02
Updated: 2021-02-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 00:29:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29162688
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/only_soft_birds_allowed/pseuds/only_soft_birds_allowed
Summary: An attempt at writing where the main character realizes he's in a video game and promptly cheats the system.
Kudos: 2





	1. What the hell have I gotten myself into

I startle awake as the mail slot cover rattles shut and the mailman quietly walks away, a faint beep coming from the scanner I know is on his hip. I stretch and rise to grab the mail and -

Wait.

Where the hell am I.

This isn’t my house. I’ve never seen any of this furniture in my life. Where am I? Moreover, am I going to get beat up if the owner of the house finds me here? 

I make haste to leave, not wanting to get caught, when I pass a mirror and freeze.

_Oh. My. Fucking. God._

_WHAT._

A completely different person stands before me, a short man with brown hair and brown eyes, dressed in a rumpled suit, most like wrinkled from sleeping on the couch. Someone who looks nothing like me. 

_What is going on?!_ I internally screech, eyes widening as my panic rises. I’m in a stranger’s house with a stranger’s body and I have no idea where the hell I am. This is not good.

I pace around the house, anxiously trying to figure what to do next. Is this my house? Who am I? If I’m wearing a suit, I obviously must have some kind of professional job, which I have no experience with. Would now be a bad time to run away and never return?

_Slow down, pal, you need to calm down and think this through. Just pretend like this is a normal day. How could I find out my identity?_

The mail _._ I recall hearing the mail slot close when I woke up, there will be a name and address on the mail of whoever this body belongs to. I walk over to the door, now curiously inspecting the decor around the house instead of frantically looking at it in confusion. It was pretty plain, to be frank. The necessities, and little else. No plants, no TV, no video games.

_God, what did this guy do for fun?_ I thought to myself incredulously. There was nothing to do in this house. I then picked up the mail and read the envelope.

Alex Alexander.

14 Grey St. 

Zuzu City, USA 12345

_My boy Alex,_

_In case unfortunate circumstances cause me to suddenly die, I wanted to let you know that I lft my farm and property to you, along with my life’s savings of of 5,000g._

_Hey, hospital bills ain’t cheap._

_Love,_

_Grandpa_

What have I gotten myself into?


	2. Welcome to Uncanny - I Mean Stardew Valley

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Alex learns that living in Stardew Valley isn't going to be as simple as he hoped.

The following morning I grab all of Alex’s money, which he keeps under his mattress for some reason, pack a small bag, and head out to this mysterious “Grandpa's Farm”. 

After a relatively short bus trip, if you count four hours as short, I arrive in the famed Stardew Valley, which is a synonym for ‘Bumfuck Nowhere”. There was literally nothing but trees, shrubs, and more trees. I hadn’t seen a single house in the last hour of my trip, and it didn’t seem like I was going to now. 

The area was scenic - sure. But I could easily see myself losing my mind from boredom, especially since I couldn’t do any farming in the winter. The bus itself was already freezing, so hopefully grandpa's house had a fireplace or something to warm me up. 

As soon as I arrive at the farm, two people are already inspecting the property. Great. 

“Can I help you? I’m the new owner of this farm and I was planning on moving in today.” I tell the man and woman not so nicely. 

“Ah, so you’re the grandson he was always talking about, look at how big he is now Robin.”

“Louis....I’ve never met this man in my life.“ The woman who I assume is named Robin says. Robin appears to be in her late 40s, maybe her early 50s, and sports a curious face as she looks at me. Her bright orange-red hair is pulled back into a tight ponytail and her mismatched outfit screams “I don’t know how to dress myself!”. 

Louis, who apparently knows me, seems to be a piece of work with an ugly mustache and an old ratty cap on his head. He had quite the beer belly, and he unknowingly had some prickers stuck to his coat. His naturally smug face revealed that he thought he was hot shit when in reality he’s pretty ugly. 

“Well, Louis and I were looking at the property and we were thinking about the different repairs that needed to be done on it. This place is pretty old and it hasn’t seen much love in a while since your grandfather got sick.” Robin stated with pity, and after she said that I look at the place Grandpa has left behind.

Dear. Yoba.

“This house is practically falling apart!” I exclaim, eyes widening as I realize how much work (and money) is going to need to go into this place to make it liveable. The door’s window was broken and I could see gaps in the structure of the house when the wood had fallen off and not been replaced. The foundation of the house had a massive crack in it, so there was probably mold and mildew damage, as well as some nasty critters living in the basement. And that was just the outside.

“Yeaaah this place is in pretty sad shape. I could do some minor repairs on the wood and fix you up a new window, but it’s not gonna be free. I wish I could!” she hurriedly states, "but business is tight around here and the work I do is strenuous." She didn't look like she felt bad about asking me to pay what was likely going to be a small fortune, but the work needed to be done and in such a small town she was probably the only one who could do it.

“How much money are we talking? I’m not exactly loaded so I need things to be basic.” I asked, counting my money in my head. I had 20,000g, which would've been a nice starting amount had the house not needed so much work done on it.

“Probably 20,000g to fix up the outside of the house, but I’m going to need to replace the door to fix that window.”

I sighed. That was  _ all  _ of the cash that I had. How was I going to eat? Or pay the electric bill? Robin must’ve seen something on my face as she looked at me sympathetically. “How about this,” she began, “you chop up some of the wood I need and I’ll cut you a deal. 15,000g for the repairs.”

Well, I might as well take it, I thought, giving Robin a nod. Since it was already getting dark I would need to get started soon. Sleeping in that cold house won’t be fun but I can see a chimney so I’ll be able to at least light a fire and keep warm. Maybe I could start a fire outside to give me some light while I work.

Robin then smiled at me and said, “Sounds like a plan then Alex. Oh, and one more thing before we head out. You should probably go inside once it gets dark because monsters come out and will try to attack you. I doubt you have a weapon, so until you get one the indoors will be your best friend. See you tomorrow!”

_ Dammit! _


End file.
